Blog Post #1

	I first started writing reflections about my life a little over a year ago. They were originally intended only for me, however, I felt led to post about them. The verse “we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony” from Revelation 12:11 really stood out to me; it felt like a call to share about all of the things I had been through and the process of overcoming them. I created an Instagram account and started making posts with random or semi-related photos to go along with the stories.
	But after a few months, I stopped. I had plenty to write about, but a mix of things happened. First, I really didn’t like the format I was posting in. I like to write narratives, but because of Instagram’s comment limits, I had to really narrow down the story and subsequently tell it across multiple posts. That didn’t work for me. It was also an excuse. I already was uncomfortable sharing and being vulnerable, and in some way, that was an easy out for me.
	While the story format played a role in me not continuing, the main contributor was that I found myself in a situation that slowly but surely pulled me away from God. As a result, I stopped doing the things He told me to do. By the time I was ready to start back up again, all the stories and topics I had planned to share felt so old that I couldn’t connect with them anymore. 
	Yet here I am writing again. Why? Well, I’ve been planning and wanting to get back into it for a while, but two things happened that really brought me back to it. The first is that back in December, I had a conversation with one of my friends at Berkeley. We talked about all kinds of things, but writing was one of them. I expressed how I wanted to get back into it, but that I was struggling to find a medium that allowed me to share it with my audience in a better way. He reminded me that writing is for yourself, first and foremost. You can put it out into the world, but ultimately, the purpose is self-expression. That really hit home for me. Writing is one of the primary ways I express. Anyone who has ever had a conversation with me where I attempt to express myself emotionally knows how strenuous of a process that is for all parties involved. But when I write, I can communicate effortlessly.
	The notion that writing is for me first stuck with me. Even when I go back to the verse “we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony”, the point of sharing the testimony is for our own deliverance. Of course, our testimonies also help others overcome, which is the other reason I decided to write again. This week was a very difficult one for me emotionally, and a lack of expression and communication made it worse. I thought about how much I bottled up and how it affected me. There are so many things that I am trying to navigate, with, what sometimes feels like, no precedent. Trying to follow Jesus. Navigating relationships. Struggling with depression and anxiety. Worrying about my image. Battling with my identity. Feelings stuck between multiple worlds. Trying to live a life worthy of my calling. Attempting to find community and people who push me towards purpose. Not idolizing work and wealth. Living in the present and not skipping steps. The list goes on and on. I struggle, daily. The truth is that we all do. But how often do we talk about it? 
	These writings are first and foremost for me - for me to express and be obedient. But all of the things God allows us to go through and all of the things God tells us to do are for the benefit of other people. My prayer is that as these writings help me grow, they also help you grow, and that regardless of what you believe in, your journey can benefit from my story.